#astrology humor

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTROLOGY QUESTIONS

Hey! A quick engagement post for you all. I've been wanting to have wide discussions on these topics lately and wanted anyone who felt called to answer to express their feelings on any of the questions i have below! Please dont feel the need to hesitate, its all fun and just exploring each others minds lol.

Neptune 12th housers - Do you ever feel silenced in your voice? Like the words you speak, the dreams you carry, people dont bother to listen? They just feel like its noise and dont participate in exploring who you are as an individual. It just feels lonesome.

Venus in the 1st - Do people have high standards and expectations on you? Especially on what you should be like in their own minds view? Ever had to deal with petty arguments that came from out of the blue, just to find out its cause they were secretly envious or had a crush on you?

Mars/Pluto Conjunction - Feel rageful often? How do you use this energy to bring attention to your emotions? Do you have a special outlet for this rage you carry?

Lilith in the 1st - Tired of people looking at you strange? Do you ever feel that you're 'odd looking'? Have others made you feel gross in your own skin? How often do you go to lakes and forests to clear your head?

Moon in Cancer in the 4th - Do you feel alluded or subjected to family issues more often than you should? Does family ever come around and make you feel lonesome, tiresome, and exhausting? like i mean all that you do for them is lovely, they just find it overbearing?

Moon in Taurus - Ever feel like your wants and desires are but a dream? People close the door on you when you express yourself, and only ever do they listen when your mad, bored, or tired? They only feel wanted when your not yourself, is that right?

Scorpio Venus - Is your love life boring? Like.. i got ask this lol. or was it boring BEFORE? At some point did you ever just do something so taboo and adventurous , it almost cost you your life? your past life.

did you get up one day and just figured you make the most of it? so it doesn't matter how much you express your 'lovin' (wink ;) lmao) to others as long as you got it out...?

Mercury in Aries - Does your blunt mouth get you in trouble? Do you ever just go off the dome and speak your ideas, feelings, and desires out loud it makes others think your crazy? Do people ever feel like telling you to have more 'tact' or grace in your speech? How often do you tell someone to fuck off? serious question.

Last one!!

Sun in Gemini - How many masks do you honestly keep up with? Do you ever show your true self to people? And i dont mean just one version just the whole spectrum of being a complex human.

How many secrets have you gotten out of others just by sitting quiet and observing? The spoken and unspoken ones i mean. People dont believe me when i say this, but i always say geminis are just scorpios who are very talkative lol.

None of these were to be shady, btw. I just wanted to converse and have fun with the topics lol.

Let me know in your replies babes!!!!

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Pisces: Honestly, I don’t play much of an active role in my life anymore.

Pisces: Things just happen and I’m like, “Oh, is this what we're doing now? Ok.”

[livingfictionsystem]

How the Signs Are in Conflict

Virgos are constantly gathering dated, detailed reinforcement for the opinion they formed when they were 10. They're like a Buzzfeed article of "15 reasons why you should give up before you even start with me."

Right or wrong, Cancers are just really upset you're giving them a hard time right now and could you please just drop it.

The conflict Just started and Sagittarius is trying to form a nuanced opinion like it's a race.

Geminis will switch sides mid-argument and somehow end up wrong both times.

Leo won one argument two years ago and will bring it up any time they face scrutiny.

Capricorns formed most of their opinions at the age of three and you might as well just give up.

Aries is going to try to convince you that they're right with tone alone. Fuck your sources.

Scorpios crowned themselves the victor in the argument you had five years ago and are still waiting on you to admit defeat.

Taurus could be right or wrong but they certainly didn't ask you.

Libras will have the blandest opinion in the room and somehow still be the loudest.

Aquarius either wants to be 100 metres away from conflict at all times, or they start shit when things get too peaceful. Those are the only two types.

Pisces were arguing hard five minutes ago but since has said "Whatever" and decided the argument was stupid.

[throatgina-sausage]

Credit to @homunculus-argument for the template

[middlenamesage]

Meanings of the Houses (humor edition)

🏠

No planets in the 1st house = You’re a spirit without a body.

Pisces in the 2nd house = You imagine your money into existence.

Aquarius in the 6th house = Robots will do your chores for you.

5th house - 11th house axis = The friends with benefits axis

2nd house - 8th house axis = The sugar daddy/mommy and sugar baby axis

Leo in the 11th house = Get an Instagram (especially because many of you are Libra risings😂) ⭐️💋

Aries in the 8th house = Fighting people is how you achieve the deepest bonds.

Gemini in the 4th house = You’re a twin, even if your twin did not make it to the other side.

Whatever the habitat of the animal associated with the sign you have in the 12th house is where you must go spend time by yourself to allow for inner reflections. 🐏🐂🦀🦁🦂🐐🐟 (Air signs and Virgo can’t achieve this type of meditation because they are too much in their heads.😂) And the habitat of a centaur only exists in imagination, because Sag determines what’s reality simply by what they believe. 😂

Pisces in the 12th house = For the Love of God, please never try any drugs or alcohol.

Taurus in the 3rd house = You talk too slow.

Aquarius in the 9th house = All your beliefs are conspiracy theories.

6th house - 12th house axis = Pick your form of torture (tortured body and mind vs tortured soul) 😅

Gemini in the 7th house = You can only do non-monogamy, specifically with two partners.

Scorpio in the 5th house = *cough* Masochist *cough* 🤭

Taurus in the 5th house = What tf are you doing if you haven’t brought food play into the bedroom yet?

Pisces in the 5th house = You will have 12 kids, one of each zodiac sign.

Libra in the 3rd house = You will never have a verbal argument in your life.

Capricorn in the 6th house = You’re automatically the boss at work, anyone who claims otherwise is sadly mistaken.

Cancer in the 2nd house = You see your kids as your possessions.

Virgo in the 3rd house = You should probably start a homeowners association so you can gain the official authorization to tell everyone in the neighborhood how they must upkeep their homes and properties. (Cancer risings 😆)

No planets in the 8th house = You will be a virgin for life.

Taurus in the 4th house = You will remain in the same home for your entire life. It will have a beautiful garden though. 🌸

Cancer in the 4th house = No need to find a home, you’re born with one already built into you. 🦀

Aquarius in the 7th house = They’re making some pretty cutting edge robotic partners these days, you should probably look into that.

Libra in the 11th house = Society will never see the real you.

No planets in the 4th house = You were immaculately conceived, and you have no parents nor family.

Scorpio in the 10th house = No one will ever know what your career is or the legacy you leave behind.

Aries in the 12th house = You are the only one in the entire Universe.

Pisces in the 6th house = You will be sick with every illness in existence during your lifetime.

Sagittarius in the 12th house = Gifted at traveling through astral realms.

✨🔮✨

[chillizabeth777]

This sums up having a cancer south node —> Capricorn north node 😂

[alchemical-astrology]

Happy end of mercuy retrograde !

MERCURY'S ROAD TRIP

although we are still in the retrograde shadow, things are going to look up now that mercury has stopped watching the world burn...

cardinal signs - you might actually be listened to, now. yes, there's a stereotype that you tend to be headstrong and drive the action. but often you are also speaking to a chasm. if you feel like you've been asking 'is anybody out there?' the response might soon be yes.

mutable signs - you'll be on the same wavelength as others now. previously you might have find it hard to articulate what you meant but communications are finally becoming clearer...

fixed signs - you should have more time for your own emotions, plans, and intentions. less people demanding answers, more ability to focus on what you need. phew.

[starrymothastrology]

Left Cat: Cancer, Pisces, Taurus, Gemini, Aries, Leo

Right Cat: Capricorn, Aquarius, Scorpio, Libra, Sagittarius, Virgo

[echoedastrology]

In Hellenistic astrology, the Moon holds a significant role in a person's natal chart, representing emotions, instincts, nurturing qualities, and the innermost self. Here are some key points related to the Moon in a Hellenistic natal chart:

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗Characteristics: The Moon symbolizes the emotional and subconscious aspects of the individual. It reflects one's feelings, needs, instincts, and reactions to the world around them. The Moon also represents the mother, home life, and the nurturing qualities of the person.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗House Placement: The house in which the Moon is located in the natal chart can indicate the areas of life where the individual seeks emotional security, fulfillment, and comfort. For example, the Moon in the 4th house may suggest a strong emphasis on family, home, and roots, while the Moon in the 10th house could indicate emotional fulfillment through career and public reputation.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗Aspects: Aspects to the Moon from other planets can reveal how the individual's emotions and instincts are influenced and expressed. A harmonious aspect (such as a trine or sextile) to Venus may indicate a strong sense of harmony, love, and emotional balance, while a challenging aspect (such as a square or opposition) to Mars may suggest inner conflict, impulsiveness, or emotional intensity.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗Rulership: The Moon rules the sign of Cancer in traditional astrology and is considered to be in its domicile in this sign. The qualities of Cancer, such as sensitivity, nurturing, and intuition, are associated with the Moon's influence. Understanding the sign in which the Moon is placed can provide additional insights into how the individual processes emotions and nurtures themselves and others.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗Intuition and Inner Self: The Moon represents intuition, inner wisdom, and the subconscious mind in the natal chart. A strong and well-placed Moon can indicate emotional intelligence, intuition, and a deep connection to one's inner self, while a challenged or afflicted Moon may suggest emotional instability, moodiness, or difficulty in expressing feelings.

Overall, the placement of the Moon in a Hellenistic natal chart is crucial for understanding an individual's emotional landscape, instincts, nurturing qualities, and innermost self, and how these aspects influence their experiences and relationships in life.

[incorrectzodiacquotes]

Capricorn: You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up Aries: You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

[archers-and-arrows]

the signs (summed up in 4 emojis):

aquarius: 😎🪧🤖🦄

pisces: 😩💭🐟🎸

aries: 🤬🐏💣👧

taurus: 🙂🍔🥪🍕

gemini: 😏👯‍♀️🤥🗣

cancer: 🥲🦀😩😭

leo: 🤩🦁🎤🎭

libra: 😃🥸🙏🤷🏼‍♀️

virgo: 🤨🧐👩‍⚖️📈

scorpio: 😈🔪🔫🦂

sagittarius: 🥳🏹🗺🤪

capricorn: 😐🗂😑😕

[esotericfaery]

Astrology Aspect Humour

Hehehe. Thank God/dess we never have to deal with just one aspect at a time! They’re all crazy!

Conjunction aspects are like: Dude, personal space! Well… Ok, we’re both here anyway, so let’s solve this problem.

Square aspects are like: Bounce off of my sharp edges, back and forth, then over there, back and forth; I hope that hurts a lot. And now, that’s it, slam yourself right into a corner and get caught, for extra wacky fun. You’ll fall out. Who knows when. I certainly don't give either a stationary or a flying fuck what happens next.

Opposition aspects are like: Be my ping-pong ball and get dizzy until you build up momentum and shoot out, with the energy for achievement.

Sextile aspects are like: All you need to do is a breath, do the thing and it will easily work.

Trine aspects are like: Brahhhhh… I’m a pyramid! Wanna meditate? Or not. Whatever. Something lucky will happen for you even if you do nothing.

[incorrecthoroscopes]

Libra: So where would you guys go if you could time travel?

Aquarius: Far in the future, when we have spaceships and stuff!

Cancer: I don’t know, I’d like to see what life was like a few hundred years ago.

Libra: Aries, what about you?

Aries: I want to punch a t-rex.

[geographerdose]

When you pull up your solar return chart for the year and you just wanna turn away from the astrological knowledge you possess 🚫👀

[throatgina-sausage]

[tatersgonnatate]